the stains in the morning are on my face in the angry mirror

somedays i wish i could live

solely through my addictions,

but the world around me

refuses to let that happen.

cold as stone

it's a rude awakening when you're used to being cold to everything until one day, you wake up and everything he did to you slams into you like a train; allowing yourself to sprial into an emotional depression. i haven't been this big of a trainwreck since he left the first time, 3 years ago. i will never accept this pain. love is a bitch that i want no part in. i want to be held forever in his arms.

fuck me over more baby

i hate you. i hate everything about you. you haunt me daily. i can't escape you anywhere i turn. you inhabit each part of my mind. your presence lies in my bed. you've fucked me over so good, i cant find a fucking escape. i've been put through three years of hell while you disappear with other girls, my name being the last thing to enter your mind. how is it posisble that i can't survive without thinking about you for one day and i dont even matter to you. we're over, its done. but if you ever came back id stand here waiting. i cant move one. i dont want anyone else but you. no one will ever replace you. you've fucked up my mind. i keep waiting for you to turn around and say im the one you want to but we both know that will never happen. fuck you for destroying me. fuck you for making my life a miserable hell. i dont know how much longer i can go on feeling like a worthles piece of shit. thanks asshole.

"We light up. We cough at our truce."

"The conversations we have now in black coffee cups and clouds of smoke are the closest we come to shared sustenance." - Mary Ruffin, Mama's Smoke

eat.pray.love

This movie was gorgeous. I'm still not in love with India but I fell in love with Bali. It was gorgeous and the architecture was amazing. I plan on backpacking around Europe and place I want to see before I set off to college and Bali was just added to my list. Granted the sun couldn't possibly shine every day, but Bali looked so peaceful. I want my own medicine doctor like Julia Roberts. The water was gorgeous just like the forest. It was such an interesting aspect of the world that we seem to forget in the haze of smoke and chaos.

i am of one date in time's furrows

The remainder of summer nights dwindle away as school approaches with no delay. I've become to use to a bohemia lifestyle this summer that I am unaware of my ability to adapt back to a schedule and deadlines.

summer draws to a close

Summer is ending way to fast. I haven't had enough time to kill my self with the sun's rays and stay up until sunrise. Rihanna has lost my enthusiasm because her concert was not as amazing as it seemed. Ke$ha was amazing though. I don't know who else can pull off that much animal print at once. But of course like every concert there will be that haze of mary in the air and I couldn't seem to find an out. So my favorite hoodie has the scent weaved into the fabric and it seems that no matter how many times I wish it, the scent will not go away. I don't want to say good bye to the beach just yet. I've fallen in love and I can't just let it go with the passing of the seasons. Summer hookups for fun but everything is ending way to fast and I'm not sure my mind works fast enough to process the changes occuring.

COMBAT BOOTS!

I finally bought the perfect boot! I've wanted a pair for years and viola! I bought these in grey and I can't wait to break them in. They're gorgeous!

the end of july

I deffinetly failed with writing daily at the end of July but it has been crazy lately. I landed an amazing job but now I'm trying to find a way to juggle a social life, 2 jobs and my parents. It's rediculously hard. I have photos to upload but until I can find a way to upload the pictures off of the camera without a cord, I am SOL. Tonight I went to the opening of Texas Roadhouse with a friend and it was amazing! I've been waiting for the past two weeks so I was so excited when we actually arrived. The food was so good and the people were so friendly. I thought they were a little overly friendly but then again I'm not used to being greeted by 10 people at the front of the house. I'll hopefully have pictures for tomorrow!

new posts

will be coming! it's been so busy the past week!

the truth

I was going through random folders with quotes I've saved from browsing the internet and stumbled upon this one. I hate how true it is about everything. There will always be that one who I can't stop thinking about no matter who's there at the moment. No one can replace him. But I'm scared to say the truth out loud to him or myself. I love quotes thats I can relate to perfectly, but it's hard to accept the truth.

pointless

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So my computer isn't crashed anymore and I have a normal working keyboard finally! (But I am still getting my brother a keyboard for his birthday) So today is my one day off from work for the week and I am so happy. I worked for eight hours yesterday and I thought that this was supposed to be summer time? I guess I am completely wrong. I just peaked over at the Zemanta Assistant tool and apparently out of this entire thing, keyboard is the most important word. I'm glad to know this can be summarized as keyboard.

Anyways, I found an elephant sarong the other day that I planned on buying until I realized I am broke and do not have any money which is exciting. So I have to wait for mother to return from her trip to Oklahoma to go shopping with me. But no worries, just because I do not have any money, I still have to ability to plan on what I will be buying next. That happens to be this oyster tote from nastygal. It is gorgeous and I have a weakness for over sized bags. As for right now, I 'm still really tired from this past week, so I'll have to blog more later when I wake up again.

Computer crashes are fun, especially when the only computer left has a keyboard that chooses to work half the time. But this morning I watched Fly Away Home and I loved it. I fee like I grew up on that movie. It's so simple and sweet. I wis my dad were cool enough to let me get my nose piered because tat would be awesome, But he's sticking to the rule, not until you move out. And I have to finish the blog here because this keyboard is driving me insane being that this short blog took me nearly 15 minutes to type up. I'm getting my brother a keyboard for his birthday.

So I'm spending every day tanning and listening to Cage the Elephant and Weezer on the radio.  Intertwine work and road trips and there is my summer in a nutshell. It's pretty relaxing you would think but the people I've surrounded myself with have the ability to make it a nightmare. I feel so claustrophobic in my own house. I will never have this many kids. I can not handle that many energies in one household. Too many people to buy clothes for to avoid consultation and arguments. But jumping to something else, I would love to go to Lollapalooza. Hopefully in two years, maybe. The lineup this year is amazing though. I would love to see MGMT and Switchfoot live. I think MGMT is coming here soon so maybe I'll go to that concert. They're amazing.

"I been a sinner all my life; I ain't trying to hide me flaws; I'd rather keep them in the light." - Cage the Elephant

I would love to go shopping with Mary-Kate Olsen for a day. Her wardrobe is amazing. I lover her effortless style as well. I envy how easily her clothing works with one another. I'm on the search for a slip dress and I had no idea it would be this hard. Every store in my mall thinks a slip dress is a nightgown with granny prints all over it. What has this world come to?

4th of July

So today is the fourth of July and I was finally let off of work. I hate how other jobs are let off but mine makes sure that I work 365 days a year, but that's besides the point. Since last year, my family decided to spend the fourth of July at Joe's. I'm not a fan of seafood, in fact, I detest seafood, but Joe's is different. It's like a whole different environment in that store. And it is located right on the water front! But  I plan on wearing this cute simple slip dress my mom found thrift shopping the other day with a pink slip underneather and a pair of brown boots. Maybe I'll even take the time to curl my hair loosely and put on make-up. But that's a slim chance.

I woke up this morning to a random fat lip that hurts a lot. I guess I pretend to be Rocky when I'm sleeping, or my dog walked on my face a bit too much in the middle of the night. But I've been searching for things to make the swelling disappear so I don't look like I wanted my lip injected with botax but received a botched job. On another note, I'm going to lunch with a friend of mine and I am so excited because she is a friend who allows me to wear crazy combinations when we go out. I'm already rummaging through my closet for a pair of loose cut-offs, paisley tee and my fur vest. I refuse to care that it is 100 degrees outside, I love that vest. Yet right when I walk out the door I'll probably change my mind and run upstairs to through on a summer dress exposing my two-toned back due to peeling and throw my hair up in a messy bun after straightening it for how many hours. I love having a game-plan for what should be last minute changes. Sarong's are an interesting clothing item. I feel as though they are made for the beach but my "inspiration girl" from the post yesterday inspired me to want to wear one around town. Although mine isn't exactly one many would understand. There are airbrush prints in spirals and other designs all over the thing, in colors that do not match/work on the almost dark lime green fabric. But I love the sarong all the same. Maybe I'll pair it with a tank and run out the door with espadrilles. Maybe I should clean my room so that my parents don't throw a hissy fit when I march out the door. I'm really liking the sarong idea and now that I have some knowledge of how to wrap it, I think that's the outfit for the day. I don't think there was much point of this blog other than giving you a peak into my outrageous thoughts that come like a never-ending freight train. I'm apologizing now for the awful spelling. I should take a spelling class if I want to pursue journalism as a career, and maybe a few vocabulary classes to broaden my views. But as for now, it is what it is.

busy summer dayss

Aren't summer days supposed to be forever lasting days? I feel like my summer is blowing right past me and it's only been one week. It's crazy how fast time flies. Last night was the Dave Matthews concert and it was amazing! I love everyone's outfit but the one that stuck out was so colorful! It was a pink bandeau bathing suit top with a low rise ankle length, patterned skirt in salmon and sea-foam green. It was so pretty with her wavy hair. It was the perfect summer outfit. I wish I had the confidence to walk around in that. I love the loose beach waves everyone has been wearing lately. I think I'm doing something wrong though because mine never turns out the same but I have weeks of practice. My friend went to the salon for a loose perm which may be the reason her hair looks amazing almost daily. It's so tempting but my hair is short when straight so if I permanently curled my hair, we might have a few issues with hair rising to my forehead! Well I'm off to my lovely job with the lovely customers I meet daily. (note the sarcasm) I meet the weirdest people there that make me question if I even know where I really live. Gotta love the random hicks roaming the streets.

blog confusion

so i started this off with the intent on writing about coffee and clothes but as of right now, i dont know how to stick to two things. so for the time being, i'm going to write down all my thoughts, because as uninteresting as it might be, there might be some unique times in my life i don't want to forget.

BEACH TODAY! This is the second time with my brand new license (color copy came in the mail 3 days ago) and I am so excited! I love the water against my skin and the sand on my feet. I love that awful fishy smell mixing with the boardwalk fries. The beach is where I want to stay for the rest of summer. It is just gorgeous. It only truly feels like summer down the beach. So now I'm off to pick up my friend, put the top back and drive the hour and a half.

6 word memoirss

againnn with the language arts class papers

lines i want  to keep away from the trashh

coffee, art, private life of regret

morally unjust, generically average, blended crowd

questionable morals lead a questionable life

coffee, cigarettes, mistakes; public regrets, love

the invisible pairs of clogs

I find it funny that clogs were all over the runways this spring, yet there aren't many knock-offs created, if any clogs at all to be found. There's a few here or there priced for Paris Hilton's wallet, but there seems to be more open toed mules out there. Although I would prefer a pair of clogs that wouldn't cost me a month of insurance, I am going to settle for these MIA shoes. They make me even taller than I am now, but they are gorgeous in the black and tan. I'll end up getting the black because that's the only color I know how to wear well. I love the wedge though. It's perfect!

bathing suit season

 

It's always so hard! One cuts too high on the hip or too tiny to cover anything. I love the cut-out pieces but it is so hard to find one correctly proportioned for an actual person. Hopefully I'll have some luck when I look around this week.

As of right now, I'm still completely infatuated with Burlap and Bean coffee. Organic and local. It's the perfect combination. And just enough to wake me up for work in the morning, after nights of final studying. One more day to go and summer finally begins.

fedora

So on Tuesday, I'm taking the test to get my license. I already have my car which is a convertible SUV (could it get any better!) but I'm still missing one thing. MY HAT! I've fallen in love with the fedora hat but I haven't had the time to order one. They are the cutest structured hat and I'm sure they'll be everywhere on the streets this summer. I think I'll be making a dash to Urban Outfitters next week to find one.

(final)ly it's summer

In the midst of tuning back in to the class and work, I haven't had time to sleep. I love running on coffee for days straight. It's such an adrenaline rush, except maybe I should sleep before I blog again. My Summer and license is only a week away. I can almost taste the salt water and sun-kissed tans.

vintage.

I found the best clothes while shopping today. I've wanted a pair of relaxed trousers in pattern and found the perfect pair .. DKNY from 80 down to 20. I couldn't love vintage boutiques more. And to make my day better, the dress I ordered from Nasty Gal came in and is GORGEOUS! I have been searching for the dress for months since I couldn't find the dress on the website but it was back and I knew i had to get it. It was one of those investment pieces I needed to live. That could be a bit more dramatic if I gave more effort.

Lisa Mitchell

After browsing around blogs, I stumbled upon this artist and she is amazing. But I'm always last to find these golden artists, I probably should look for some of her newer music. But her style is fantastic. It's perfectly vintage. I should add her name to the list of wardrobes I plan on stealing one day.

late night coffee runs

I need coffee. Cramming for my last exam won't work without it.

irregular choice

Today I was doing my usual hours long online browsing when i found shoes by irregular choice on nastygal. They were only selling the Oz shoe so I went on google to find the real online store and guess what I found? The most original shoes I have seen in forever. I linked some of my favorites that will be stealing my paychecks soon enough. Soho Sunshine is adorable with the little butterflies surrounding the foot. The prices aren't completely outrageous either which is perfect! 

New love = Irregular Choice