it's 11:25

and I would LOVE to fall asleep right now. I think I've completely lost it. I haven't even attended college and already I can't pull allnighters. The art paper will not be finished until tomorrow and if i have any other homework I think I will jump off a bridge. The computer doesn't help either. Everything is such a distraction. I would love to be able to focus on one thing for a period of time. I need add pills. That would be boss.

xoxo . : *

if i ever open a bakeshop,

I want to make pastries and things just like this. however, I would love to cook without setting the kitchen on fire.

my momma told me, that I was pretty, that I would find me, someone to love me

she didn't tell me that he would leave me, she did say he'd break my heart.

the stains in the morning are on my face in the angry mirror

somedays i wish i could live

solely through my addictions,

but the world around me

refuses to let that happen.

cold as stone

it's a rude awakening when you're used to being cold to everything until one day, you wake up and everything he did to you slams into you like a train; allowing yourself to sprial into an emotional depression. i haven't been this big of a trainwreck since he left the first time, 3 years ago. i will never accept this pain. love is a bitch that i want no part in. i want to be held forever in his arms.

fuck me over more baby

i hate you. i hate everything about you. you haunt me daily. i can't escape you anywhere i turn. you inhabit each part of my mind. your presence lies in my bed. you've fucked me over so good, i cant find a fucking escape. i've been put through three years of hell while you disappear with other girls, my name being the last thing to enter your mind. how is it posisble that i can't survive without thinking about you for one day and i dont even matter to you. we're over, its done. but if you ever came back id stand here waiting. i cant move one. i dont want anyone else but you. no one will ever replace you. you've fucked up my mind. i keep waiting for you to turn around and say im the one you want to but we both know that will never happen. fuck you for destroying me. fuck you for making my life a miserable hell. i dont know how much longer i can go on feeling like a worthles piece of shit. thanks asshole.

"We light up. We cough at our truce."

"The conversations we have now in black coffee cups and clouds of smoke are the closest we come to shared sustenance." - Mary Ruffin, Mama's Smoke

eat.pray.love

This movie was gorgeous. I'm still not in love with India but I fell in love with Bali. It was gorgeous and the architecture was amazing. I plan on backpacking around Europe and place I want to see before I set off to college and Bali was just added to my list. Granted the sun couldn't possibly shine every day, but Bali looked so peaceful. I want my own medicine doctor like Julia Roberts. The water was gorgeous just like the forest. It was such an interesting aspect of the world that we seem to forget in the haze of smoke and chaos.

i am of one date in time's furrows

The remainder of summer nights dwindle away as school approaches with no delay. I've become to use to a bohemia lifestyle this summer that I am unaware of my ability to adapt back to a schedule and deadlines.